Poker Night
by kateg123
Summary: Jack's bored so cracks out the cards and the booze and suggests a game of poker...although knowing him it turns out to be strip poker. Consequences ensue of course. Basically just nutty crack-infested randomness. Minor Jack/Gwen and Owen/Tosh.


**This is the result of staying up too late during a week filled with nothing but revision but guess what?! My exams are over! Yay...enjoy this crack-infested fic of mine.**

* * *

"The game is seven card stud," Jack said throwing down the pack of cards onto the table. 

Gwen looked up from where she was sitting trying to focus on a report to find herself on the receiving end of one of Captain Jack Harkness's notorious grins.

"Jack we're trying to work," Tosh complained, "on the reports you set yourself remember."

"Oh come on you guys, you work way too much," Jack whined plonking himself down on a chair in between Gwen and Tosh.

Owen sitting opposite rolled his eyes and said, "Seriously? Are you not even kidding me? Jack just leave us alone."

Jack glared at him before turning as a last resort to Ianto, "come on pleeeaaasse?"

Ianto looked up from the book he was reading to fix Jack with his own glare, "I'm getting some important reading done Jack; this is significant stuff, crucial to the everyday goings on of the Hub."

Jack snatched Ianto's book away and read the title out incredulously, "The Fifty Best Ways to Make Coffee out of Waste Products? You're not serious; I thought we only got the finest here!"

Ianto snatched his book back and retorted, "Yeah well at the rate you lot are drinking it there's going to be none left!"

"Jack why do you want to play poker anyway?" Gwen asked wondering why the Captain wasn't shut up in his office as per usual harassing UNIT or some such secret organisation.

"Because, Gwen Cooper, I am bored," he announced this like it was some sort of declaration.

He was greeted with silence and even imagined he could hear the sound of crickets chirping in the background.

"Right well, sucks to be you," Owen said looking back at his report.

Jack looked around at his entirely unmotivated team and smirked, he knew what would make them want to play.

Returning after a couple of minutes he held up the bottle he had acquired on his trip and said, "Does it make it more interesting if there's vodka?"

Owens head shot up immediately with an interested look on his face and said, "Well…if you're desperate Jack…"

With Owen in Tosh immediately followed saying, "I'm pretty much finished with this thing anyway," tossing aside the thick wad of papers.

Jack inwardly congratulated himself on keeping a stash of booze in his office just for occasions like this. His team had been working extra hard this week especially since the probability of the world ending had shot up on Monday due to some unintentional messing about with the Rift Manipulator. It was all Owens fault really, he knew he shouldn't have been playing with a frisbee in the Hub.

"Alright well if everyone else is playing I might as well join," Gwen conceded sighing to herself. It wasn't like she was going to get any work done whilst that lot were getting pissed right next to her.

Drawing her chair closer to Jack she couldn't resist sneaking a peek at him out of the corner of her eye; he had his usual grin on and was already dealing out the cards…

Realising she should look away before she started drooling or something she turned to where Ianto was still sitting at the table adamantly ignoring the others.

"Hey are you joining us?" She said smirking as Ianto determinedly stuck his head further into his book.

"You don't know how important this may become in future years," he replied.

"Well right now no one cares," Owen stated with his usual charm, "so are you playing or not?"

With a world-weary sigh Ianto peeked over the top of his book and taking in the large bottle with a look of approval put his book down.

"Yeah I'm in," he said still staring at the bottle.

Jack grinned at his team mates and said, "Ok so before we start I should mention that this _will _probably end up being a game of strip poker…"

He was cut off immediately by Tosh's nervous reply, "Do we have to?" while she looked sort of eagerly in Owens direction.

Jack smirked and looked straight at Gwen, "Oh yes, yes we definitely have to."

Gwen blushed at the insinuation and said, "Well I don't have to agree! I certainly don't want to play strip poker with you lot. Who's with me?"

Tosh and Ianto's hands shot up and Gwen nodded in satisfaction.

* * *

One hour later Gwen was missing a top, Tosh was trying to slip her skirt off without attracting attention and Jack and Owen were already just in their underwear.

"Ianto," Gwen slurred downing what should probably have been her last shot, "how come you're shtill wearing your clothesh?"

"It's becaushe Gwennie-poo I happen to be particularl…arly good at this game," Ianto replied swaying slightly in his chair.

Tosh laughed hysterically at this for some reason before promptly laying her cards on the table and yelling excitedly, "21!"

Owen leaned over to her and brushing her arm lightly said in a mock whisper, "Tosh dearest, we're not playing blackjack."

Jack stared at his cards for a few seconds before sighing heavily and saying, "fold."

Gwen merely stared at him, this time not looking away before she actually _did _start drooling. Jack was sitting right next to her…without a shirt…and no trousers…and…wow.

"Do I have something on me Gwen?" Jack asked mischievously winking at her.

She groaned inwardly, it seemed the only result copious amounts of alcohol had on Jack Harkness was that it lessened even more inhibitions and made even more sexually charged…if that was possible.

He flexed his muscles, showing off and although on the inside Gwen's heart was pounding she managed to keep a straight face and say, "Meh, I've seen bigger."

The look on Jack's face was worth the effort to not swoon and she smirked at him. He paid her back though by getting 'that' look on his face and slowly roving his eyes over her now uncovered top-half, except for her bra, and getting a smug look on his face.

Gwen resisted the urge to cross her arms over her chest and cursed herself for wearing her 'sexy' bra today.

Owen and Tosh it seemed were playing footsie under the table and giggling to each other.

"Oweeen," Tosh whined, "shtop it, you're making me loshe my conc…con…that thing that makes me focush on the cards." She continued unable to form the word 'concentration' due to its many syllables.

In his inebriated state Owen failed to notice that Tosh had in fact already laid down her cards thinking they were playing blackjack and he nodded soberly saying, "You're right Tosh, I'm shorry here take my winningsh…"

Tosh looked on in amazement and inward glee as Owen pushed his chips in front of her. Thinking that she definitely going to be using her 'feminine wiles' more often now she pouted at him and said, "Thanks Owen."

* * *

Ianto looked on at the two 'couples' in amazement. Half a bottle of vodka and they were acting like teenagers. Downing a gulp from said bottle he gasped as it burned down his throat. He should have just stayed with his book, coffee would always love him. 

An idea suddenly struck him and he slipped away from the table silently.

* * *

"Jack," Gwen said leaning closer in to him she placed a finger on his arm and gave him her best wide-eyed 'I'm so innocent' look, "Owen gave Tosh all his money how come you're not giving me yours?" 

Jack looked down into her eyes and then further down, oh he really should…move his eyes away, _move them up! Her eyes are up! But that is one sexy bra…_

His thoughts were interrupted by Gwen leaning forward even more so if he squinted he could almost see everything…"Jack are you alright? You're eyes have gone all squinty."

He tore his eyes away from the…erm…view and coughed to cover his slip, "Yeah yeah fine thank you, how are you?"

Gwen blinked at the random question and then sighed. Jack gulped realising asking an intoxicated woman who was in a messy relationship what was wrong was probably not the best of ideas. He had expected a simple 'I'm fine' not a fifteen minute blow by blow account of what exactly was wrong with her life.

"Look…Gwen…" he tried to interrupt but she batted his attempts away continuing onwards.

"And then he came home one night…"

Jack groaned, he did _not _want to be hearing about Rhys right now.

Thankfully, or not depending on how you looked at it, she was interrupted by a screech from high above.

* * *

Noticing that the game of poker seemed to be relatively over Ianto had snuck up the stairs and crept towards Myfanwy's nest. The thought had crossed his mind a number of times as to whether a pterodactyl could hold the full weight of a fully grown human man. 

Now tonight he was going to get his answer.

Leaping forward onto the unsuspecting dinosaur he had clung on as it took flight in surprise.

Jack looked up in shock as the screech had echoed around the Hub and Gwen screamed. Tosh and Owen were too absorbed in whatever the hell they were doing to really notice but Jack sighed and yelled, "Ianto stop joyriding Myfanwy!"

Owen and Tosh finally looked up at this point and laughed in gleeful childlike delight as Myfanwy encumbered with her heavy load swept down low over their heads and dropped Ianto onto the ground before soaring upwards screeching resentfully at the outrageous offence.

Ianto staggered over to them grinning apologetically and then utterly out of the blue Gwen realised through the fogginess in her mind that they were supposed to be playing some sort of card game and slapping her cards down on the table loudly she announced, "go fish!"

* * *

**Well I hope you found that funny dear reader...I know I enjoyed writing it. Feedback is amazing and would encourage all sorts of other cracktastic ventures.**


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